I Wonder

I am an analyst, and that is all that I am. 

I want to sit back and relax. 

There are people, who are always on the go, 

And I don’t understand why can’t they go slow. 

There is always something happening.

They are always on a quest.

On the other hand, I am at my best

When I express.

Express to myself in silence all alone. 

Have you ever wondered: 

“What did she ever want?”

“How did she want to spend her life?”

“What does happiness mean to her?” 

And, I another victim of culture, 

Set out to tick off my inherent checklist.

A checklist I never created for myself. 

✅ Married

✅ Obedient 

✅ Responsible

✅ Educated

✅ Parenting 

✅ Supportive 

✅ Average Looking

All I ever wanted was to be an author. Write my imaginations. Act like a bird. Soar high. FLY, touch the SKY. No cry! No try! Just fly.

I still remember my father pushing me to live my dream. He used to say, “ You’ll get married yaar, what’s the hurry.” I bought time after my younger one married and the pressure got to me. But like I was, all head strong, always at war, I stayed, I prayed, and I slayed all odds. I sometimes wish, I could have bought a few more years or more. To see what I was made for? 

And now, I float, my soul unknown. 

Finding my purpose, losing my glow.

At times I wonder,

“What am I here for?”

To parent the best I can.

To serve the best I can.

To love the best I can. 

Or just to live the less I can. 

Words come naturally to me,

 and I know I can be.

Be WHO I want to be 

But every passing day, 

I think.

I say.

I convenience myself.

Maybe, it’s not TODAY!