Unhappy or Sad?

Am I unhappy, or am I sad? 

I am none of the above I know that!

 

I have reasons to believe, life is beautiful indeed. 

I didn’t change my name, but I believe, I’d set myself on flames. 

I hate self-pity, and I don’t intend to complain. 

But ever since I’ve been married, 

Ever since my destination changed, 

I’ve strived for recognition. 

I’ve starved for public praise. 

Strange, that people’s comments never pair. 

It’s you I’ve gone after. 

It’s you I have chased.

And now, I am tired, and I’m drained. 

I want to be MYSELF again. 

I want to be ME, I want to be FREE 

Free to work, or not to work. 

Free from people’s comments that hurt. 

Sensitive I am. Sensitive I was. 

Sure you saw that, on the first call. 

But you ignored that, and wanted to change. 

Rather than embrace nature’s call. 

You made me fall one and all

And today, today I feel my roots are weak 

And I can fall. 

Everyday, I push myself up

Telling myself it’s not my fault. 

It’s not my fault that he doesn’t praise me at each call. 

‘Chiria’ is what I am recently called. 

Somehow, I liked the sound of it first called. 

The word itself gave me wings.

And like I’d hope to fly high,

Ghania Hijazi’s solo flight. 

Fairytale stories, imaginary world. 

Reality never heard. 

The truth is...

I saw a friend in YOU. 

I thought my entire family was YOU. 

Then time went by, 

And made me realize, WHY? 

Why I didn’t opt to study abroad.

Why I banished the utter thought. 

Why I desired to stay close to my natural call. 

I, I am sensitive, and sensitive I was. 

I get parental deficiency, and that’s my flaw.  

That’s when I think of WHO I AM. 

And what I’d WANT

I am a WOMAN of harmony. 

A WOMAN of peace.

A WOMAN of absolute tranquility. 

I like to READ, and I like to WRITE. 

I abhor political games, because I think they are lame. 

I like my isolate corner.

Where I can enjoy my own, unique fame. 

No recognition.   

No appreciation. 

Just me in my world of isolation. 

I am an introvert with a mask of I AM OKAY. 

Am I unhappy, or am I sad? 

I am none of the above, I know that. 

I guess, I’m just too tired of wearing that mask of YOURS.